If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
