i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
