glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
someone owes me an orgasm
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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