Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
