dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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