so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
