I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
