i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
