you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
