apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
