You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
