Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
