i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
