ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
