Jerry, you need to find god
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
