someone owes me an orgasm
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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