Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
