I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
