Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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