.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
