: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
