YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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