I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
