there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
