Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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