awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
