I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was born a porn star she said
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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