I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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