running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
