dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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