This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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