I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
