i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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