i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
