Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
