dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
