she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
