i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize