Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
