Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
