You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
false alarm. still invincible.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
