Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
