We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
