It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
