Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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