Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
