hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
love makes seman taste better
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
