i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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