I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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