Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
