I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
