Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
