You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
