im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this boner is exhausting
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
