the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Please don't give away my fajitas
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
