ya dads aren't the best wingmen
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
