Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
