I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
