we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
