the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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