Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
