You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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