somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
