I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
