Everything about him screamed your future.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
