That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
