I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
