who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize