I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
