life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
