you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize