Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
