do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize