Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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