I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
