I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
