How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
