what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
