Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
