I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
