Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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