At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
