I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
third nipple confirmed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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