please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
