There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
