You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
