Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
