I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
