She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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