Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize