I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
