Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We are two peas in an std pod
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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