Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
