An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
