..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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