You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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