your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
