you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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