where am i from again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
