What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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