I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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