I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
