did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
