her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
