Plan B is the new Plan A
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I stole a fireplace last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize